When is the last time you said NO to someone? Are you a “Yes” Man or Woman ?
I used to be the biggest YES woman on the planet, I could NEVER say no. In my head I was saying “NO! NO! HELL NO” but somehow, through what I believed was no fault of my own, YES would eek out the corner of my mouth. No matter what I was asked, even if it meant putting off something I already had planned for myself, I would say “Ya for sure, I can do that”.
A few years back I started to look into why I was always saying yes, and of course, it’s because I “was” a Pleaser. Somehow over time I had developed the insane delusion that it was my sole mission in life to ensure the happiness of others around me. Often times at the expense of my own. We often become addicted to the approval of others, we can’t imagine someone thinking or god forbid speaking ill of us. So to insure this doesn’t happen, we Please. It’s like “Yes” Man crack! Also, we can’t forget that ever present five letter word, G.U.I.L.T, worse than any four letter word I have ever heard. If you let it, GUILT can be like a disease, that instead of eating away at your flesh, will just swallow up your sole and spirit. Too dramatic? I think not, GUILT is so very powerful.
Certain events happened in my life that almost over night removed the work YES from my vocabulary. It was the most freeing, life changing thing I have ever done. Ladies, you know when you take your bra off at the end of a long day, how AMAZING that feels, times that by a gazillion! For the first time in so many years I had my life back, hell I had a life. I made a conscious decision to limit myself to a certain number of yeses a week, I was now on a YES diet.
Most studies say it takes 30 days to make or break a habit. However with the “Yes Addiction”, I feel it is a life long process. It is not hard to let the ugly GUILT suck you back into to being a Pleaser. Here are some tips that I use on my journey to the beautiful Land of NO.
Be Sorry- Replace the YES, with an “I’m Sorry”…and then follow it up with “I jus’t can do that right now.” The apology will curb the old GUILT monster and your polite frankness is sure to keep you in good standing with the asker.
DON’T THINK- People may tell you to reply with a “Let me think about it and I will get back to you.” Avoid this answer at all costs! This will kill your yES diet. The GUILT monster will eat away at you and when confronted with the request again, you will fold up like a lawn chair. NO’s need to be swift! Like ripping off a bandaid.
You Owe Nothing – If someone is brazen enough to counter your NO with a “Why Not?”, remember you never have to explain your NO. In life you are entitled to make your choices without judgement or question, what makes these situations any different.
We are taught at a very young age that No means No, Just say No, we just need to translate this into all aspects of our life. We teach our kids that bullying is not ok, so why do we let ourselves get bullied into doing things we don’t want to?
Over the past few years I have not lost anything on my YES Diet. What I have done is gained so much more respect for myself and understanding of what truly matters to me.
1 1/2 Hendricks Gin
dried lavender flowers
1/2 ounce honey
3 ounces soda water
Muddle gin with lavender and add to a shaker full of ice with honey and juice from 1/2 lemon. Shake really well then strain into a glass filled with ice. Top with soda and garnish with a fresh mint sprig.