They say “Patience Is A Virtue.”
But not in my world.
My patience has flown the coop!
The last few days have been challenging to say the least.
Sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.
I definitely will not be winning any “Mother Of The Year” awards any time soon.
My kids have been testing my patience and my strength.
They just cannot seem to get along for more than two minutes.
Or they are whining and complaining about this or that.
Can someone just please make it stop?
I feel like all I say all day everyday is…
NO!
STOP!
BECAUSE I SAID SO!
I feel like the worst mother ever.
Why am I so grouchy?
Why can’t I be a happy mom?
I said I would never turn out to be like my mom.
I know she was grumpy for other reasons (mainly because of her struggles with alcoholism and her anxiety).
Now I feel like I am just like her, if not worse.
(And yes, I know we are our own worst critics but with a low self-esteem, this is how I truly feel.)
A friend and I were recently discussing our parenting struggles and she said she could not imagine me yelling.
Sweet lil “Insane Mamacita” yelling? No way! Impossible!
Umm, yes, of course I yell.
I have a voice and I use it.
Sometimes I am afraid of what my neighbors hear and think of me.
I know yelling is not encouraged in the good ol’ “parenting handbook” but I do it.
I try to remain calm but then you get pushed to the point where it just doesn’t work.
And yelling is all you have left. (Or at least I do.)
One strategy I have implemented in the last few days is to send both kids to their rooms if something goes awry.
And now, Big Boy thinks he is always in the wrong, even if Little Man was the one who started the conflict.
But oh, that peace and quiet for those few minutes while they are chilling out in their rooms, that is heavenly.
As you can see, I am so beyond frustrated right now.
I don’t want to be this way.
I want to be a good mom.
A happy mom.
Why can’t I be?
13 Responses to Not The Perfect Mother
Youre a great mom. If you don’t give consequences now, society will later on. And Societal consequences have permanent records! PS accomplices are trouble makers too.
Oh, Brandy! One of my first posts on the PTPA Blogaholics’ blog was one similar to this! EVERY Mama goes through moments like these and if they say otherwise, they’re either superhuman or just not admitting it
You’re doing a great job as a parent.
P.S. I have found that the Blogaholics community and everyone who comments/tweets = a fabulous support and they encourage other parents. Glad you wrote this post!
Brandy, self doubt is what being a parent is all about. I’m sure you are doing a terrific job of raising your children! Also, winning Mother of the Year is highly overrated. The appearances, extra responsibility, spotlight, etc…You don’t want that award!
Patience is definitely not a virtue I possess at least not naturally! Brandy don’t beat yourself up. Every single one of us have found ourselves feeling exactly the same way. I have yelled 1 too many times and then dealt with the guilt only to remind myself that bad days will happen and our children will always love us, good bad and ugly. We have to give ourselves credit where credit is due and I have no doubt that you are a wonderful Mom.
Keep smiling and when a bad day strikes try doing something silly and fun with the kids. Tends to break that tension and gives everyone a refresh!
Awww! I can totally understand! I don’t feel like I’m a patient person either and some days, my girls are soooo whiny I just want to scream! I think it’s okay to admit that you need a break or to vent for a bit or do whatever you need to relax and regain your sense of balance. Good luck!
Don’t feel badly, you are only human. I am pretty housebound so we are never apart from each other during the summer. I can not wait or school to start.
oh honey, we ALL have times like this!! Don’t be too hard on yourself xox
I can relate to every single thing you said *hugs*
Thank you so much for all of the support everyone! I really appreciate it. Sometimes you feel so alone and now I know I am not. Thank you for lifting my spirits!
I yell too. I’m a single mom of three, for over 10 years now. With multiple hospital, surgery, and ongoing health issues, I’ve not always had the utmost of patience levels. I dislike it very much when I yell, but after all these years of telling myself ‘everyone has their breaking point’ ‘ no one is perfect’ and so forth… life does go on. I find take a moment to myself, and just saying to the kids ‘time out I need to calm down before I talk any further with you about this’ works wonders. I can even stand in the middle of a room, close my eyes and just breathe… and it does work. It takes some practice but it will get better.. I promise and you are most definitely NOT alone! So glad we could all offer you our support on this!
We all have bad days. Time outs work on Mom’s too. Do you have someone to watch the kids for a few hours?
Thank god I’m not the only one :/
It’s a horrible feeling and it sucks and I hate it, but it just spews out of me before I realize that I’ve just yelled
Sometimes I just wish I could go to my room for a timeout.
Can I relate? TOTALLY! I often apologize to my kids after I get upset with them- which I hope will help (“Sorry, mommy should not have yelled like that”). I also have asked them how I should deal with their fighting and whining. They have given me some eye opening answers – a few that actually have worked. I think if your kids know you love them unconditionally at the end of the day, then you have done your job right.
WOW! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Reading your post it was like you were right there in my head and in my house over the past few weeks. I actually did break down and start crying. It all just made me feel worse – like the worst Mom in the world. THANK YOU!!!