They say “Patience Is A Virtue.”
But not in my world.
My patience has flown the coop!
The last few days have been challenging to say the least.
Sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.
I definitely will not be winning any “Mother Of The Year” awards any time soon.
My kids have been testing my patience and my strength.
They just cannot seem to get along for more than two minutes.
Or they are whining and complaining about this or that.
Can someone just please make it stop?
I feel like all I say all day everyday is…
BECAUSE I SAID SO!
I feel like the worst mother ever.
Why am I so grouchy?
Why can’t I be a happy mom?
I said I would never turn out to be like my mom.
I know she was grumpy for other reasons (mainly because of her struggles with alcoholism and her anxiety).
Now I feel like I am just like her, if not worse.
(And yes, I know we are our own worst critics but with a low self-esteem, this is how I truly feel.)
A friend and I were recently discussing our parenting struggles and she said she could not imagine me yelling.
Sweet lil “Insane Mamacita” yelling? No way! Impossible!
Umm, yes, of course I yell.
I have a voice and I use it.
Sometimes I am afraid of what my neighbors hear and think of me.
I know yelling is not encouraged in the good ol’ “parenting handbook” but I do it.
I try to remain calm but then you get pushed to the point where it just doesn’t work.
And yelling is all you have left. (Or at least I do.)
One strategy I have implemented in the last few days is to send both kids to their rooms if something goes awry.
And now, Big Boy thinks he is always in the wrong, even if Little Man was the one who started the conflict.
But oh, that peace and quiet for those few minutes while they are chilling out in their rooms, that is heavenly.
As you can see, I am so beyond frustrated right now.
I don’t want to be this way.
I want to be a good mom.
A happy mom.
Why can’t I be?