As the Mother of a 20 month old, I’ve finally come to accept the fact that no matter how hard I try, I am NOT a perfect parent. Â I accept this. Â I trust my instincts and I do what I feel is best for my child. Â Â My daughter is healthy, happy, smart, beautiful, spoiled, well taken care of… this list could go on. Â My Husband and I do our best. Â That is what matters, right? Â Wrong. Â At least according to my Mother In Law. Â I feel like she’s constantly making remarks as to how we do things and I feel at my wits end with her. Â Â I don’t understand why she won’t just lay off of us and let us be parents. Â Â We have to learn. Â If we want her advice, we will ask. Â We get advice and follow our Pediatricians orders when it comes to our baby, yet according to her, he is wrong. Â Â I’ve really tried to keep my mouth shut and keep my distance, but this is wearing me thin. Â I want to lay into her and remind her that it’s no longer 1985. Â Things change. Â Â Every parent does things differently. Â Just because we aren’t doing things the way she would like them done doesn’t mean we aren’t doing them right. Â Â The more I think about it, the more angry I get. I care about her, but I am tired of feeling judged all of the time. I try to be cordial and talk to her, but it seems like when I talk to her she either ignores me half of the time or has something to say about the way we do things.
…In a way I feel like every time she makes those snide comments, that she’s basically punching me in the face while telling me I’m a bad parent. Â Ahhhhhh! Â I hate feeling like a constant disappointment. Â I wish my Mother was still alive. Â I know she’d pat us on the back and tell us what a great job we are doing. Â Sometimes we need positive reassurance. Â This negativity feeling has me bummed out.
Do you have a Mother In Law who drives you crazy? Â How do you deal with it? Â Â Does anyone have any advice on how to cope?
2 Responses to Mother In-Law Woes
Mothers in laws through time have always caused angst. No matter how hard we try to please them. I think your best bet is to eat a wee bit of humble pie here. Its tough I know, trust me I’ve had to do it often. Through the end of time, we’ll never do, or be perfect parents, and our inlaws, or ex inlaws in my case, will never approve of anything we do. I always found that thanking them for their opinions and tips, and even hummoring them a little when you’re together worked best for me. Inlaws I believe just have issues with ‘letting go’ My house… my kids… my rules… was always the way I let my inlaws know how things worked. Good luck.. I know how nerve wracking inlaws are!
Well, if she’s not listening to you, maybe you need to let hubby talk to her and explain that while you appreciate the advice, you’re following the current standards and your dr’s advice and when you decide that you BOTH need to do things a certain way, you don’t want to be argued with. Because quite frankly, if she ignores or dismisses how your raising your child, how can you trust her to look after her granddaughter if she doesn’t respect the wishes of the parents?
I would let certain things go, but if it’s a particular thing you’re passionate about (ie, no tv after dinner) then she needs to know that that’s your decision and you and your husband need to present a united front.
Good luck, and remember, when you have a young child, everyone suddenly becomes an expert on the best way of doing things in regards to that baby (even strangers at times). You need to smile and ignore it when possible, and put your foot down when it matters.