One of the things I sometimes think about as a Mom is how to prepare my child for the world. A good friend once told me that we cannot “protect” them from everything, but we can “prepare” them, teach them, and give them the tools they need to handle whatever comes their way.
Friends with older children have told me stories of their children’s experiences with bullying, self-image issues, and self-confidence issues. This is something I am not really looking forward to and thought I had lots of time to prepare myself for since Little One is still only three years old.
Just this past weekend, one of Little One’s friends said, “[Insert Little One's real name here], do you think I’m beautiful?”
Little One said, “Yes! I think you’re beautiful.”
To everyone’s shock, Little One’s friend said, “Well, you’re not beautiful. You’re dirty.”
I quickly chimed in, “Mommy thinks you’re beautiful” and gave Little One a hug. Then I realized how crazy it is to tell constantly tell children that they’re cute, beautiful, pretty, etc. I’d rather tell my child that she’s smart, intelligent, witty, clever, funny, kind, generous, thoughtful, compassionate, empathetic, or sympathetic (yes, even three year olds can display sympathy). I don’t want Little One to base her self-worth on her appearance. Though I let Little One know how helpful, caring, resourceful (among other adjectives) she is, I remind her that her friends and peers also possess those traits. I don’t want her to think that anybody is more or less of something/better or worse at something. I am so sad that I’m seeing this so early in their childhood. I know it’s part of the way children interact with each other and they do learn how to socialize. It still doesn’t make it easy!
I know that Little One’s friend probably didn’t mean to hurt Little One’s feelings. She is, after all, only four years old. It’s just that this experience launched me into fast forward into their teenage years and what kind of cruelty can surface in pre-teens and teens. A friend told me that she pulled her son out of school and homeschooled him because of the intense bullying he was receiving at school. Another informed me of her seven year old’s eating disorder and issues with her body image. Seven years old! It breaks my heart.
Instinct tells me to guard my child from the harshness of the world, but we cannot keep our children in a bubble. They have to learn how to deal with adversity. Wow. This parenting business is no easy feat!
Parents, how do you prepare your children for life in the “real world” (aka: outside the home)? With Little One starting Junior Kindergarten this Fall, I’m trying to prepare her. All right. You got me. I’m trying to prepare myself for JK!
13 Responses to And, So It Begins…
I try to make sure they have a positive self esteem without being over the top. I teach them to treat others how they wanted to be treated. I also teach them that not everyone does the right thing but you still show them love.
AnnMarie:
Such great things to teach young children. It’s something we try to do with Little One, but it’s sad that not all parents do the same (and worse when other parents ignore what’s happening). When Little One gets upset with my husband and says things like “Daddy! I don’t like you! Go away!” I ask her, “Would you like it if someone said that to you? That hurt Daddy’s feelings”. She’ll then say that she wouldn’t like it and apologizes. Sometimes she throws the “That hurts my feelings” thing back at us when we ask her to clean her room! LOL!
This isn’t anything big and I don’t know if it does anything, but every night when I put my oldest son, who is now in Kindergarten, to bed, I tell him, “You are special. You are wonderful. You are important. Never forget.” I hope that saying it every night will stick it in his subconscious so if other children try to tell him otherwise, he will be able to brush it off and remain convinced of his worth.
Ah Christine I am so with you on this one. As DS prepares for the big bad world of Grade 1 I am nervous just as I was with my daughter of how all this big kid stuff would play out. The best we can do is teach our kids how to love unconditionally and to treat everyone with respect and kindness. They won’t “like” or be “liked” by everyone but they have to always be kind.
My daughter is going into grade 4 and luckily hasn’t had to deal with bullying yet – she has met a few kids who didn’t like the same music or celebs as her and she was unsure how to deal with it. But she has learned along the way that she shouldn’t judge others if she doesn’t want to be judged by them.
I feel like I am learning new lessons along the way!
I can’t give you advice cause I don’t have kids, but I have met your “Little One” and I have to tell you, you have nothing to worry about. She is not only one of the most beautiful and delicate looking little girls I’ve ever seen, but she is active, brave and smart. I love her and I love you and I think you are a fantabulous Mommy – never think otherwise.
Great post, Christine! I had many “aha” moments while reading through. You made many great points… all of which I agree with!
Sending my children out into the real world is something that freaks me out too. I’m sure it’s something many parents think about. Not always can we be the protector. I try to enforce a positive influence on my children’s lives… we try not to oooo and ahhhh over the children. Rather we try to focus on reminding them of how intelligent, smart, witty and funny they are. I think respect is also huge too!
Parenting, what a tough gig we have! I never know if what I am doing is right or wrong. I just hope my kids treat others the way they would want to be treated. I try to teach this to them.
And I am shocked by situations that are taking place when kids are so very young (eating disorders, suicide, etc). It makes me sad.
Kathryn, I like your nightly “mantra” to your child. It sounds similar to what is said in the book The Help… “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”
It’s one of my biggest fears: will I be able to steer my children in a good direction to help them protect themselves? It’s an ungoing worry I think every mama has. Nice post, my friend. Four years old or not, it’s good to help change their minds…
Kat:
I may have to borrow that one from you!
Oh, that is a very sweet bedtime ritual!
Kathryn:
Oh, good points to make about not being liked by everyone and not liking everyone. Respect is a HUGELY important part too.
Ack! It makes me cry. Little One is only THREE! Didn’t expect to have to deal with stuff like this yet! LOL!
Bewildered Bug:
Oh my goodness! You just made me cry! XOXOX
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