Last week I told my tween girls that I’d got them a subscription to a magazine. I thought they’d be excited, but instead they responded with “We don’t want it mom – we don’t want to read about lip gloss”. Interesting. They already know what they’re being fed and don’t like what’s being served up. Once I explained that the subscription was to New Moon magazine and its website, they were appreciative of my gift.
A few short days later, my friend Annie over at PhD in Parenting wrote about gender and the things families can do to combat gender stereotyping. Her post is jam-packed with great advice.
It got me thinking about some of the things I see and hear regularly that either confuse or bother me.
1) I recently saw a Mother’s Day card that had a picture of boys riding a go-kart, with the caption “raising boys – it’s an extreme sport”. Having six kids spread equally across both genders, I have not experienced that the boys are more daring, adventurous, or likely to get injured than the girls. Our broken-bone count is evenly spread throughout genders. I don’t like the expectation of boys being adventurous and girls being inactive. The expression “boys will be boys” puts me over the edge. Our children are equally likely to build a fort, catch a frog, hook a worm and work in the garden. We don’t have gender-specific sports, chores or expectations.
2) Sure, it was funny when I had my third daughter and everyone told Daddy-o he’d need a triple-barreled shotgun. But, really – not that funny. This notion that we must protect our daughters from their countless suitors ranks as annoying for me. My daughters will be well equipped to take care of themselves. Also troublesome is when adults try to inject romance into their children’s friendships. Comments about future husbands and little girlfriends, well – let’s face it, we are projecting our ideas of gender relationships on to them. Maybe we should just let them be kids for the five minutes that they actually are.
What about in your house? Does little Janey have a Gr.1 boyfriend? Does your son shovel the driveway and your daughter set the table? What impact has gender had on your family – if any?
7 Responses to “Boys Will Be Boys” and Other Annoying Assumptions
Great post Julie! The saying boys will be boys drives me bonkers as well. I have 1 of each and its interesting to see the differences. My daughter is SUPER sporty playing competitive ringette & soccer but is SUPER boy crazy & loves doing her nails. While my son who tries his best and plays hockey & baseball is just ok at sports. My son who is rough and can be wild is also the super sensitive boy who marches in parades to save animals and gave up meat all on his own choice.
Kids get pigeonholed so quickly – I think we should just let them express themselves for whoever they are regardless of gender.
Julie, I have 2 boys who love everything PINK! If you were to come to my house you would assume I have girls…instead they are boys! I love this article! Often times people have perceptions, regardless how you raise them…expression and openness are key factors every parent should be aware of. Boys/gilrs…doesn’t matter really, does it?
Love this post, Julie! I have the ‘million dollar’ family as most would call it. A boy and a girl. Fairly close in age. I honestly don’t really notice any difference between them, other then my daughter being slightly more introverted and my son being more of an extrovert. They are both daring and love to play in mud. My son loves pink equally as much as my daughter. I hate how society places they perceptions on people that each gender has to act a certain way. Really what does it matter as long as everyone’s happy?!
Thank you so much for this post! I have two boys (eight and eleven months old) I find it so annoying and frustrating with the stereotypes that are put on them. Their cousins are girls – and for some reason their parents think its okay for them to hit, bite and kick my boys (and my boys should suck it up and not cry) – I have taught my boys the exact opposite – that it is okay to cry and to tell people when they are hurting and that it is not okay for anyone to hurt anyone. And when mothers go on and on about having to protect their daughters from the bad boys out there – I feel like, hello?? my boys dont need to be protected from the so called bad girls out there? I really think parents need to step it up and stop gender stereotyping – every child is special and deserves to be cherished and protected. None moreso then another gender
Great post, Julie! I’m going to have to forward this one. There are a lot of comments people make when it comes to things like this. I love this post! You rock, Julie!
I think the only gender difference in our house is that my daughter loves Princesses and my son loves Cars. Otherwise, we try to get them involved with all the same things. They both play soccer and hockey, cleaning is shared and I don’t own a shotgun
Oh yeah, my son will NOT ride the pink PlasmaCar! Only the Red or Blue ones, lol!
ok, i know this post is from last year, but i must comment.
i totally loved it. my daughter is just like me a total tomboy. took me years to learn how to be a girl. my hubs and sons are totally sensitive and stop to smell the flowers. this only gets frustrating when my kids are around other kids who are very much into their gender specific things. i know it might be hard for them now, but they will grow up to be well rounded kids.