It’s quite common to hear someone say “I’m a single parent this week” when their husband/wife/partner is out of town due to work obligations. I certainly know that experience; Daddy-o is away on average four days a week. It’s no easy feat for a mama of six and it certainly takes its toll – but however tricky, you won’t catch me referring to myself as a single parent. Why not? Out of respect for all the real single parents out there. While I may be temporarily the only parent on location, I am not a single parent. Here’s the difference:
Emotional Support:
Parents who have a partner away on a business trip may be alone physically, but not emotionally. I can reach out to Daddy-o about a kid issue anytime and we can talk it through and problem solve as a team. I have single parent friends who risk a lot when they reach out to the other parent – the call can be greeted with conflict, criticism or the possibility of it being thrown back at them in court one day. Not being able to use the other parent as a trustworthy and valued sounding board would be lonely – I have the privilege of being able to share both the good and bad stuff. And let’s not forget the single parents who are dealing with an ex who isn’t particularly interested in the kids – on top of carrying all parental responsibility, there is the additional job of somehow explaining why the other parent is disinterested.
Financial Support:
How it works around here is that Daddy-o goes to work, his salary is deposited into our bank account and I spend it on the children as I see fit, with no questions asked. I try to imagine not being able to provide for my kiddos because of a parent who won’t fulfill their financial responsibilities. Sometimes I forget how amazing it is that I don’t have to fight for money for my children or hire a lawyer to ensure they’re provided for. Single parents must be exhausted at the best of times – it seems unfair that they have to put energy into fighting for child support.
So, sure, I’m alone a lot and it would be nice to have someone around to do the Scouts drop-off or help when two kids are puking at once. Often I say I’m “flying solo” when Daddy-o is out of town. But how should the term “single parent” it be used? I know a divorced couple who share custody equally and each self-identifies as a single parent. Would that be considered “co-parenting” or can two people both be a single parent?
(Photo by CL Buchanan www.clbuchananphotography.ca)
7 Responses to Ode to the Single Parents
As a military wife, I’m on my own a lot as well, but much like you, I recognize that I don’t have many of the worries that a truly single parent struggles with. Well said!
As a single parent, I would give up a lot to have someone share in the good, bad and ugly of raising my daughter with. However, I don’t get angry when parents refer to themselves as such when the other half is gone away. What bugs me is the parents that do that and complain how hard their lives are, blah blah blah. Be a single parent who can’t even talk to (or be in) the same room as my daughter’s dad and have all the financial responsibility and then tell me how hard it is.
-gets down off soap box- sorry. Just gets my gob sometimes.
My husband travels for work but I certainly wouldn’t say I am a single mom not out of disrespect for single parents but for my husband. My husband travels for work he could get a job that pays less and be home all the time so I can’t complain, proprieties people. Good post.
As a single mom to my toddler son has it’s moments. The other party has never questioned about my son, nor made any attempts to meet him! We definitely are better off without him and I know my son will have questions of his ‘father’ and it will be difficult to tell him but I will be honest.
It would be nice to share the raising of my son and very thankful that I have very supportive and loving parents that have helped me so I can have some adult time or a rest.
Great post (as always), Julie!
Great post, Julie. It’s true. I never refer to myself as a single parent when my husband travels. There is a big difference.
As a single mother by choice I do have to say that I am mildly amused when a person with a partner refers to themselves as being a single parent when their partner is away. To me the term single parent refers to someone, either by choice or circumstances, does not have the physical/emotional/financial support of another adult while raising their child. If you have an ex who is helping to support their child and has joint custody, I would not consider either parent to be ‘single’. Yet I hear this all the time. I even consider my own case different. I chose to be single, I don’t have an ex to fight with, I don’t battle for financial support, I don’t have to share my children…yes I am the sole parent but it doesn’t come with the trappings of a relationship gone bad. I commend those who are doing an awesome job of parenting regardless of their situation! Excellent post, really got me thinking. Overall we all need to support each other and not use labels…we should all really just be loving parents…that’s what it’s all about