What I love about you Dee is that you are true to yourself and you rock. So keep doing what you are doing. As for those other moms, next time I see you I will give you a big stack of my business cards and you can hand them out so they can start working on their judgements

Esther next time I see you I am going to give you a HUGE hug..xoxo thank you

Love it and as Esther said, keep doing what you do. I am also the one that no one talks to. Women need to give each other a break. Keep rocking your lip gloss!

Thanks Rachel…it was a really pretty colour…

Good for you for not being afraid to be yourself and fuck them! I’m not one for dropping “F bombs” all around but this has me enraged! Who do they think they are looking down their noses at you, or any ANYONE! I am so ashamed to be a woman sometimes, people like that really are despicable and dare I say, they are also more likely to raise bullies and “mean girls”, continuing the cycle.

Ok, rant over, but my blood still boils..

Love your post! As someone who refuses to dress down (except at home) I totally understand the feeling! You dress up, you feel good, you look good and damn-it, we should do it while we can! Who really cares what anyone else thinks. Not me!
Really? No makeup? That’s just silly!

Sharon could not agree more..it makes me feel good to get “pretty” and if that makes me ANTI something then so be it..!
Coleen Luv you dropped the F Bomb for me…xoxo

Haha…love this! Your kids will be proud of you for being YOU everywhere you go. What lesson would you teach them by being anything other than FABULOUS you?? Just watch them try to kick off their cork shoes and be fabulous like you at the next play date!

You do rock! Don’t let the granola gang get to you!

I agree with Esther and Rachel – You ROCK and don’t let those women’s upturned noses get to you. Cheers!

My Mother taught me to NEVER go out w/o make-up, you never know who you might meet!
Go Girl and keep rawking all your FABNESS!!

Thanks ladies…your comments are the best…I know I am not the only one to feel like this and be in this situation…its nice to hear others stories!! Cheers

YAY for Women who are KIND to other Women!

great post… i hate those granola moms too! All i wanta say, you go girl its all jealousy on there end! Wear heels and leather! And pull out the smart phone!

Never in a million years can I imagine why anyone would look down their noses at you Dee. You are FAB.U.LOUS! in the most delicious way possible.
I think if their truths were know they envy the person you are and instead of embracing you and living vicariously through you (like I like to do) they bawk and judge and ultimately lose out on an amazing friendship!
Their loss.
Be you….I know my world is a much better place because you are who you are.

Jennifer …Damn you…you just made me cry…THANK YOU…xo

Some women still live like they’re in seventh grade and it drives. me. to. distraction. We struggle to set a good example to our children. Our daughters. Yet grown women resort to these sorts of petty behaviors. They need to be brought down a peg or two, but, in the grand scheme of things, it’s better to just walk away. They can whisper all they want, but clearly they’re just jealous of your raging fabulousness!

This is such an awesome post. Unfortunately, the queen of oat’s are all around and you can’t avoid such women.
Nevermind, I’ve met some pretty granola-ish fathers too.
Being a young mom in today’s society, I pretty much get the judging almost immediately everywhere I go from the said “Granola Mom.” I’m not out there to prove to anyone but myself that I can and am one kick-ass mama, whether I’m checking my smartphone sometimes while out with DD or I’m wearing makeup, heels and skinny jeans at a Cookie Exchange.
Sorry, I actually do care about my outer appearance as much as my inner – for myself (and for hubby too!)
The one thing I love about social media is that it has connected me to women like Dee.
Candid, Strong, Beautiful — not afraid to tell the world how it is.
We all need eye-opener’s and being open to others to grow as individuals.
Have a judged a woman before without knowing her first, hell yeah. We all have. But I never used that against getting to know that person afterwords. Call it curiosity (not bad curiosity), but I actually LIKE learning about other people no matter what their creed, heritage, appearance is.

Great post and thank you!
- Carol

We LOVE you Dee just the way you are! Fabulous Fun and not afraid to speak the truth!!!! Those other Moms don’t know what they are missing

We LOVE you Dee just the way you are! Fabulous Fun and not afraid to speak the truth!!!! Those other Moms don’t know what they are missing

Oh wow those sound like the ones I deal with but I call them “the bus stop crew” pst pst pst and when u go up to say hi the psting stops and they glare at u with a fake and rude “oh hi” yeah you were talking abt me weren’t u? Uh huh!

You know what Dee? Screw em. If they got to know you they would feel like real morons because not only do you wear fab boots but u have a heart of gold! xox ignore them – you rock and that’s all.

Can’t think of anything pithy or funny to say, except that I hope you keep posting stuff like this…You make my day by staying real and putting it all out there.
Solidarity sister – I’m gonna put make-up on and wear my FABULOUS shoes just for you today!!

You Bitches…be it FABULOUS ones…Have made me cry…thank you…I love women who LOVE women…Kelly you will ROCK those Shoes!!~xo
Carol..thank you, you said it so perfectly…
Alyssa…the dreaded Bus stawp crue..so not fun..shitty way to start the day!
Thank you Kath…we all need to tell ourselves that every day…Not that Dee is Fabulous..LMAO But that WE are fabulous…Cheers

I learned a little later in life to let out my big. Once I did, it wouldn’t go back in the box, not for anyone.

What I love about you, Dee is that you embrace each person for who they are and applaud them for being that. You may never find anyone in this room who can handle the whole you. S’ok. More of you for us. xo

I’ve been judged for running into those same after school activities with shoes that have heels, pencil skirts with matching jackets and an iphone, a briefcase and three children in tow which is in sharp contrast to their lulu lemons, rested-looking complexions and venti starbucks lattes because afterall they didn’t need to rush here and therefore had time to stop on the way. I get the once over and I get the exclusion from conversation because what the hell would I know about Mommy and Me Yoga on Monday’s at 10am???

It’s not fair. But it’s true. I wish we could all just get along. I mean so what if I’m not like you and you’re not like me does that mean we can’t just “like” each other for an hour a week?

All I can say Dee is they may not like you but “we” certainly do – besides how many of them can say they have thousands of “followers”? You have the numbers amd the AMAZING freaking show collection to prove it

Dee, as a woman who eats granola (I make it myself…I’ll give you the recipe)and who has also been known to sport a shoe made of cork from time to time, I’m sad to hear this. But not surprised. This is a common theme online and in life. Mean people (men and women)astound and sadden me. You did the right thing. Hold your head up high and be you. It’s a hard thing to do. My goal is to live like Theresa Albert. Be big or go home. If the other moms, Granola or Glam, don’t like it, they were never meant to be your friends in the first place.

Not everyone can love you, but you have to love yourself.

Often we judge because of our own insecurities. We’re jealous. We feel inferior. We are unhappy with our life. We feel fat. We feel ugly. We wish we could afford knee high leather boots.

We have no idea what the other mom in the playgroup is going through in her life. Maybe she sits in her closet eating chocolate bars after she makes homemade granola bars for her kids. Maybe she is hiding a secret affair. Maybe her father is dying from cancer. Maybe this is the only time she gets out besides the grocery store. Maybe playgroup is her safe place.

Maybe they didn’t like you, but maybe they were intimidated by you. Dee, you can walk in a room and be larger than life in all your fabooshness. We know you as a vivacious, caring, generous, strong, successful (shall I go on?) woman.

Not everyone is going to love you, but you have to love yourself. You do a good job of showing the rest of us to do that (and live loud).

xo

I think being Cocktail Deeva was perfect; and there might be a mom out there who was pretending being Granola mom to fit in— but you give her hope that she can be herself and not follow the heard!

Very True Lis very true…but all of them?? All of them hide & eat in their closet and that’s why they can’t talk to me? If that is the case then there is a lot of crumb filled closets around…

As for walking in larger than lofe, that only happens when I am in Deeva mode…all the other times I am quiet and quite well behaved I know it’s hard to believe…

I have to disagree with you in this case…From the feeling I get when I sit in that room or stand and wait…this is just good old fashioned…”Ignore the new girl”…

Angie..thank you…you never know right…you never know…

i wish you l

Lived near me. I would love to have a group of you!

Dee, that sucks. It does. I’ve been there.

But you know what? It is completely their loss. Not just because you are AMAZING, but also because they are missing out on so much by hibernating in their little closed off world.

Personally, I hate those mommy groups. I hate them so much because there is no escape. That’s why I love meeting other moms online and then hanging out with them in person, because I have the opportunity to get to know them without the awkwardness. I know there is stupidity online too, but it is easier to ignore the bitches in a virtual world than it is in person.

XOXO

This shouldn’t be an issue, women can be so mean to each other — sadly they’re only teaching their kids this behaviour. Just keep on being your amazing self. At the end of the day aren’t all moms changing crap filled diapers whether they are disposable or cloth? I think you’re fabulous and I’m happy that you’re not pretending to be otherwise just to fit in! Cheers!

Dude, I’m pretty crunchy and they don’t like me either. They probably hate each other, too. I hate being somewhere where I can’t find any of ‘my’ people, but don’t let the haters get you down. Not like you would.

I agree Annie, on line is easier for sure…and I hate how awkward I feel when I am there, I have to say it is bothering me less and less and by the time the program is over…I may walk in in a Bikini holding a martini…not really…just a metaphor…lol

Sandy, I love the Disposable or Cloth Comment…Totally sums it up!! Perfect!

Karen…”Im Pretty Crunchy”…damn near spit out my drink…and I so agree …they probably really dont like each other…

Thanks ladies….
Cheers

WOW…what the hell is wrong with women…we all complain that we have this issue that we are not welcomed with open arms and yet we continue to behave badly! Way to channel the Deeva, should not be necessary, unfortunately high school seem to permeate our lives forever! I always have this issue and usually just sit in the corner and read or something, not that I want to be their BFFs, but an authentic ‘hello’ would be nice once in a while! You rock girl, keep being fabulous!!

I think it’s easier to not like someone you just don’t know. You see someone and automatically think that person isn’t someone you would hang out with until you find something in common then you realize what you were missing out on.

I wish more people would take the time to just talk to someone before they pass judgement. I’ve made many of a good friend in the most unlikely places.

Nernia you are so right…a Hello would be really nice every once and a while..what would it hurt…

Lisa, the passing of judgement is so easy to do…we all do it unfortunately…I make a true effort not to…we just need to be more kind…to everyone…imagine how the world would be..

Cheers ladies and thanks for reading and commenting…

Cheers

SNORT!!!! Oh I know these Moms! That’s why I used to hang out with the Dads (and some are at these Mom Groups). THEY appreciate a stellar pair of heels, a change in your hair and ask where you got something so they can buy it for their wives.

Oh Laurel…I heart you xo

Let’s go kick some ass! Ah.. Not our style. Lucky for you, there’s lots of us around you that love your lipgloss & infusing ways. Who needs’em? You can’t please please everyone, after all!

What is this? High school all over again? I KNOW the feeling of being judged as soon as you walk into a room. Cliques of women suck. I have them within my company and what I do is smile and they think you’re up to something!!! It really pisses them off!! I have known you my whole life GF and I LOVE YOU!!! Screw them bitches and hold that pretty little head of yours high and walk in there and make them squirm!!!

All the reasons women are mean to other women
1. jealousy
2. Estrogen Overload
3. Ovaries
4 See #2
5. social expectations
6. PMS
7. See # 3

All kidding aside, women are cruel with other women because women are more concerned about what other women think of them, more concerned about what other women think of them because of other women who are with them. Therefor refusing anything that could “tarnish” their image or two afraid to somebody might “tarnish” their image in the eyes of other women.

Now some women just don’t pass the Here is how to wipe your crack stage. Because they still have some of their own crap to take care of.

-H

I’m a talker too and I would have talked to you! I’ve been looked down on because I don’t do exactly what other mothers do. I’ve stopped trying to care. Luckily, I have family that stands by me and understand that we all try to do our best!

Cheers!

Screw ‘em. < Short & sweet like me.

LOL Okay, on the surface I’m probably one of those granola moms but it’s really just because I never developed the hand-eye coordination for make-up and don’t have a job where heels are practical. But some days I wish I did, and my hat’s off to those friends of mine who can rock that. I often claim to be “granola” through sheer sloth — it’s less effort. ;D

I’d never knock you for being put together. In fact, I’d probably ask you where you got your shirt. ;D

I fear going through that. I believe in healthy, Eco friendly living, but I LOVE my iPhone, and high heels (especially my ostentatious red sparklely shoes). Women have always competed against each other…Is it something fostered by a patriarchal society? Perhaps…But for those of us who love to chat and network with other women, we need to persevere and continue to be true to ourselves, embrace other women (whether they want it or not), let go of those who would subdue us and educate future women (our little ones) about the real power of accepting all women. To quote a song from my youth “I require plenty of conversation with my sex.”

It’s wayyyyy easier to throw on some dowdy hemp outfit & flip flops than it is to actually put a little effort into your appearance. They are jealous plain and simple. They can’t be bothered to make an effort so it is easier to put down other people for it. What’s on the inside is most important, but if you feel pretty on the outside…you feel pretty on the inside. They are going to talk anyway…..so I say give em something to talk about :0)

first of all, they looked down because they were JEALOUS that you have the time, inclination& ability to carry yourself with such individuality, look amazing, and just be yourself, all the while rocking 4 kids and a job. That kind of sourpuss judgmental stupidity is SO not productive. Plus…I thought you told me… Be your brand, live your life, be true to yourself! Don’t doubt that excellent advice!!!

WELL SAID! Been there, so don’t want to do that again….but most likely will end up there. What I also find hard is those who make you feel like a terrible mother for using…GASP-disposable diapers! strike me down now! sorry, not everyone is cut out for cloth. Hey, my kids bum is covered and its catching the gross stuff, mission accomplished!

Thanks for sharing…so I’m not alone in this. I wrote a blog post about Mothers Judging Mothers…

http://www.mommyrantings.com/2010/11/mothers-judging-mothers.html

Thought you might like it…

It so sucks that women can be this way to one another. I really try to put things into a more positive perspective as much as I can but this has happened to me as well. Some of these occasions have come from my own friends! It’s hard but we ultimately have the control and the power over the way others can make us feel. We can give in, hand our heads and dread running into people like this. Or we can be the light, the brightness, the sass, the Fab who hang our heads high, who ignore the little voice inside that allows us to give in to how
” Mean girls ” see us or how they want us to see ourselves. We are the boss of how we see ourselves. We own that. No one else.

” Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~Eleanor Roosevelt”

I think showing your vulnerability just endears you more to me. Have a great Sunday whatever you choose to do and never mind the haters!

I finally had the time to sit down and read this. Thank you for your honesty – I feel that way often too, when I have to meet a room full of other moms. But it’s so fabulous you asked “What would Cocktaildeeva do?” I think I will ask that question to myself when in doubt. You are absolutely fabulous!

I always wonder if anyone else in the room feels as ignored and judged as I do. Other moms seem to know each other and chat away – apparently oblivious to me. I’ve inserted myself a few times in conversation and notice that after a few minutes, moms will gather up their toddlers and walk away. I’m starting to think something is wrong with me.

love this! I found it googleing define granola mom. I have to say ditto to the tenth degree! I have actually designed a whole blog about this subject! Thanks for the good laugh