It’s exactly 8 months today that our lives were blessed with such a sweet baby. Baby boy was born and our lives were forever changed. Forever changed in a way I only dreamed of, a way I would never ever take back. I only wish one thing. I wish I was given more than a 3 hour stretch of sleep in the last 8 months. Yes, you read that correctly. My child has yet to sleep more than 3 hours at a time. Well, thats a lie, he did sleep 4 hours once and I had to hold back from opening the door to check on him because it was a record! You know when they sleep for longer than normal and then you fear the worst has happened? Yep, that was us, and it was only 4 hours!
The first 3 months I didn’t focus on the lack of sleep. We were still in the “Fourth Trimester” and we were finding our groove and bonding every moment we had. I remember thinking that it would get easier. For jumpin’ sakes I worked as a nanny in the years past and sleep trained other peoples children. If I could get other children to sleep then I could get my own to sleep! Dominic was a horrible sleeper from the start. Would only sleep in the Sleepy Wrap or in our arms. We bought a co-sleeper for the bed because the all night breastfeeding and wanting to be attached to me was tiring. Too tiring to even walk two steps to the cradle we had purchased. Forget the crib that stayed in his room untouched for over 6 months! I would have worn a path from walking from my room to his 500 million times a night. He is a light sleeper to say the least. Even with the sound machine blaring the white noise, rainfall or crickets he knows when I leave the room even for a second.Â
I did the only thing I could do to survive. We co-slept and he had access to breastfeed whenever he wanted. It was always a concern that he may be hungry and I didn’t want to deter him from that. Especially all the issues I had with breastfeeding the first 6 weeks I always thought that maybe I wasn’t producing enough for him. Who am I to tell this child that he cannot eat when his only way of communicating with me at such a young age is to cry out? The nights my husband has given him formula, while I am out at work & I haven’t been able to pump enough breastmilk, babe has not slept any longer. Therefore we knew it was not a hunger issue. It was a habit. A freakin bad habit that we would now need to break.
So here we are 8 months in with a child who goes down to sleep in his own crib around 7p.m. and will stay there asleep for 2-3 hours. He then awakes and needs to be rocked back to sleep by his dad because if I come near he wants boobies immediately. After 2 awakenings with my lovely husband putting him back to sleep babe either wnats nothing to do with him or thinks its then playtime at 3a..m Somewhere around 2a.m. I usually get so frustrated I put him back in bed with me where he tosses and turns while he nibbles at the breast until he finally falls back into another 2 hour sleep. Oh yea, those things called naps? Maybe 45 minute nap in his crib unless I am sleeping right next to him.
I have read every single book on sleep, sleep training, babies, infants, etc. You name it we probably own it! I was drawn to Elizabeth Pantley’s “No Cry Sleep Solution” thinking it was a great read and had wonderful techniques we could put to use. So far it has not been helpful for us. I have spent 4-5 hours trying to soothe babe, get him almost alseep, put him down when he is not quite asleep. Then he fusses, then he screams, then we start the whole freaking cycle again.
So mom’s (and dads!) I need your help. I am tired freakin exhausted and am wanting to break this vicious night cycle. Please don’t tell me that this will pass as your solution. I am telling you that I will go insane before this passes. I know some people have kindly shared how their child was 2 or 3 before they started to somewhat sleep in 4-5 hour stretches even. My response back, “I can no longer survive on 2-3 hour stretches, I need to get 4-5 hour stretches.”
For some reason I am scared of Ferberizing babe. The fact that it just doesn’t feel right for us makes me not want to fully try it. I hate listening to the crying. We have an extremely happy baby who always has smiles to share and only cries when something is wrong. To listen to him cry makes me think he may be thirsty, have a sore belly, be wet, or need his mama for something. Isn’t that my job? To provide a loving and nurturing environment? How can I provide that when I let him scream for hours on end while I periodically check on him? Then of course there are the studies I have read of the brain damage it causes to infants, how it breaks the parent- baby bond of trust and other things. My husband agrees that the thought of “crying it out” does not really meet our parenting goals and values.
So please share your sleep stories, challenges and successes in the comments below so I at least have something to read at night while my child wants to be rocked or breastfed.
12 Responses to Tired Mama
Thank you so much for posting this. I am having a similar situation with my 15 month old son and I am desperate for help. Like you I have the No Cry Sleep Solution book and the techniques are great but we are not sleeping through the night. There are weeks where we make some good improvments and than he will be sick or get a new tooth and we are back at square one.
I don’t want to use the crying out method. I understand it works for a lot of people but it not what I would choose. The only thing that seems to comfort him besides a bottle is me. The process of rocking him at night when he wakes up is getting exhausting and in desperation I keep bringing him to the bed. Any advice would be seriously welcomed.
I am by no means an authority…but i remember those nights! Nor do I miss them!
When my one daughter was young, she cried and fussed non stop for 18 months. I walked, I soothed, I sang and I pushed her stroller…and then i found by accident that the one good sleep she got was while I was cleaning the house!
Now to add to it, I was living in my parents home…so my parents loved that their home was clean, the rugs spotless from hours of vacumning…and finally this precious little bundle of high voltage energy was asleep. I got that i vacumned for 10 minutes prior to her bedtime, and left the vacumn running for 10 minutes after…and she slept through the night!
She is now 19 years old, and the mother of one little girl who also falls asleep while Mamo vacumns. No dustbunny is safe in my house while we have little ones running around.
Hope you find your answer soon!
As a mother of three, you need to get a grip. First of all, get the babe on a bottle, get him out of your bed and get a backbone. No kid has ever gotten brain damage from crying. If he has you completely under his control at 8 months, you are in for years of trouble. By the way, my son is 9 months and has slept through the night since he was 6 weeks, all of my kids have. So I may not be giving you the politically correct answer, but you need to hear this.
I definitely agree that a baby shouldn’t be left to CIO at a young age, since they don’t yet possess any coping mechanisms. But by 8 months, I think that your babe is #1: in a routine that needs to be broken and #2: playing you! I know it is hard to listen to the cries but you need to do it. You need sleep but more importantly, your baby needs to learn to be independent in some ways. Even when they are small, doing things on their own gives them a better sense of self-worth and it will bode well for them in the future. Learning to go to sleep on his own will help him learn that he is an individual, separate from you. It will be harder on you than it will be on him. My suggestion is to buy some earplugs for yourself!
I am a mother of three. My youngest is 3 months old. Though she’s too young to let her cry it out, we are sleep training. She fights sleep at every turn. As soon as I walk into her room, turn the noise maker on, and head to turn out the light, she is already screaming bloody murder because she doesn’t want to go to sleep. I rock her, she screams. I bounce her, she screams. I pat her butt, she screams. I rub her head, she screams. Finally, with a 4 year old and two year old running loose throught the house, I had to do it. I lay in her in crib and say good night. If she still screaming after 20 minutes, I come in, put the pacifier back in her mouth, and walk back out again. I’ve been in training with her for a week, and now she won’t even nurse to sleep. She wants in her bed, with her pacifier and her lovey (A fluffy white rabbit) and off to sleep she goes. She’s still not a big napper, but she’s only getting up once during the night. It’s the worse thing in the world to hear your child cry and not come running, but your child can benefit from it. Your child will become independent and self relient. Your bond will not be broken. He will learn that he can do things on his own. It will be a long couple of weeks in your house, but it will end and you will all sleep better. Remember, getting up every 2 – 3 hours isn’t good for him either! You both need sleep.
I have a 3 year old which we let CIO after co-sleeping until 15 months, when baby 2 was due. Worked great lasted 3 days, she realized hey i’m getting better sleep not kicking mummy and daddy! Now with our son who is now 19 months old (took 3 months to evict out of our bed) we tried CIO, rocking him to almost sleep, music in the room, you name it-he is stubborn. We put him in a growbag in a playpen in our room- he’s happy content and sleeps the whole night.
One thing i did learn is letting the kids wait is not going to kill them, so when he is expecting you at 2, make him wait 10- 15 minutes and push it each night or each time it will help break the routine.
1st, don’t stop breastfeeding if you don’t want too, like one response said. I have a 13 month old and still breastfeed. The hard part is saying no too feeding every 2-3 hours. Your son is 8 months old and should be able to go 6-12 hours at night without feeding.
2nd, try upping how much solid foods he eats. If he is always hungry maybe the breastmilk just isn’t enough for him anymore.
3rd, and this is the one thing I really needed when my son was 8 months, if you have a family member close by hopefully a grandparent, have them keep your son for a night to let you have a few extra hours of sleep. but warning the first time you do it is the hardest, you keep waking up wanting to go get him.
Good luck
I am in the process of getting my son to sleep in his own bed he will be three months next week. I was able to get my daughter to sleep in her crib by three months full time. Babies like to smell their parents smell do you notice that when the baby is close to you he calms down and when he is with others he still is fussy. Try this: wear a tee-shirt on that you and your husband can wear too. Wear it all day get that mommy smell on that shirt! Your baby is use to your smell especially if you coe-sleeps he is looking for your smell that is comforting to him. When he is ready for bed put the shirt on him just before bed with his jammies that way your smell gets on his jammies in a sense comforting him. Take the shirt off just as you are putting him down. You have to let him cry it out right now he has you trained. As long as he has eaten has a clean diaper on than he is fine they is really no reason for late night snacking at 8 months. Keep drinking plenty of water even if you feel like you are going to float away! No coffee and no pop! I know it is not easy esp with small amounts of sleep. Keep in a timeline baby naps at this time SAMETIME everyday in bed no if and or buts! Same goes for bed the more you do this his body clock will get use to it and expect it this should only take two week max HE will get there!! Swear!! Don’t break down and bring him into your bed that is what he wants! Kepp telling yourself when you go into his room I will calm him down and go back to bed even if you are up 5 times a night it will get less and less. Good luck!
Sara- Oh Sara I feel for you! Are you on twitter? Becauase we could do a lot of late night tweeting together to keep each other sane!
Shellie- such a cute story! sorry you had to clean so much
We use a sound machine so I should try a similar noise. Oh man, I hope that I don’t have to resort to cleaning all the time now!
Sue- I am so glad you are having great nights in your family! It must be working for you
Colleen- something in my just won’t let me get the earplugs yet. I would either need to be tied down or leave for the weekend! I do agree that he needs to learn to soothe himself.
Katie- My guy will not take a pacifier, I wish! Do you find she wakes up when the pacifier falls out of her mouth or is she fine once fast asleep?
Megan- ahh! relief to hear that you broke the cycle at 15 months and that if we wait a bit longer its not necessarily going to get any worse when we do break the cycle (or be any better, but thats ok too). Did you find at 15 months she could understand a bit more when you said its time for bed, etc. We’ve done the playpen (permanently set up in our room) and he uses grobags but doesn’t seem to help….maybe kid # 2 it will
Amanda, it depends on her mood. Sometimes she’ll wake up several times a night just wanting to be “plugged” other nights she sleeps 6 hours straight. My older two children are thumb suckers, which is nice but now I’m in the dilema of how to get my 4.5 year old and 3 year old to stop. I’m trying really hard to keep the baby on the pacifier and away from her thumb, but I don’t think it’s going to work. She gets a thumb in her mouth and gets all excited and will suck on it forever. She refuses a pacifier unless she wants to sleep.
The “Sleep Sense” program is very good, has worked for a few sleepless friends…
http://www.sleepsense.net/
My favourite book that worked well for us is “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child”
Good Luck!